I was browsing crystals in a local shop recently while I chatted amiably with the shop owner, a lovely and knowledgeable woman whom I enjoy visiting with often. She was asking about my yoga studio and we got onto the topic of meditation. She told me that she had been trying to meditate her whole life, but had never quite figured out how to do it. She explained that she felt like an impostor when she tried to sit, like she was performing rather than experiencing. I could totally relate; sometimes you can sit with the best of intentions only to find that you can’t concentrate on anything except how much that pulled muscle hurts or the list of chores you have waiting for you at home. From anyone else’s perspective, seeing only the outside, you can be perfectly still and appear to be achieving deep inner peace. However, your inner experience might be a whole different story; sometimes the monkey mind wins the battle, that’s for sure!
I have been practicing meditation since my first yoga class, over twenty years ago, and it has taken that long to develop my practice to what it is today. I am no longer intimidated by week-long meditation retreats where we may be asked to sit for many hours at a time, because I have grown more comfortable with whatever arises during meditation, and I can now reign in my monkey mind more often than not. But meditation is called a practice for a reason; you can never stop learning from it! Every time I sit down it is different. I’ve experienced enlightening, mind-blowing revelations after sitting for 30 minutes on my living room floor with the dog bugging me and my family moving around me, and I’ve also spent a whole day sitting with a Lama as my guide just to be distracted by the smell of the monks’ cooking in the dining hall. Hey some days you got it and some days you don’t!
I’ve heard many people say over the years that they just “don’t get” meditation or they’ve tried it and nothing “happened.” Human nature and our work-oriented culture want us to get a result from everything we do; to look at all actions as leading to some kind of achievement or goal. If we sit a few times and nothing “happens” we perceive this as failure. The truth is that any time you sit with the intention of meditating, you are growing in your practice, even if this is the very first time you try it. So, for all of those who are curious, intentional, skeptical, or hopeful, here’s my personal guide to meditation. Keep in mind that this is based on my own, personal experience and there are lots of teachers out there who teach all different forms of meditation. If this doesn’t work for you, try something else, don’t give up!
Number one: Sit down!
Okay this might seem like the obvious, but it needs to be said. I know there are all types of meditation. You can meditate while walking and singing and swimming and being mindful during all sorts of movement; yoga itself is a form of moving meditation. But for right now, just to start, let’s stop moving for a second and sit down. We start each yoga class in Sukhasana, or Easy pose, for arrival meditation (yes, you can sit in other positions to meditate, especially if Easy pose hurts you or feels uncomfortable). Sit on the floor or on a cushion, cross your ankles in front of you, and find a straight spine. Feel a gentle reaching from the crown of your head towards the sky, which should slightly draw your chin down towards your chest. You should be sitting upright with your core muscles activated but not clenched; think relaxed awareness. Your hands can be in a variety of mudras, but for now either rest them on your knees or in your lap. Relax your shoulders and your face. Feel your sit bones firmly grounded into the floor or cushion. Be still.
Number two: Breathe!
This also seems obvious, I know; we all need to breathe all the time, so obviously you are going to breathe! But meditation breathing is a bit different because you are aware of your breath; it’s not just a random thing that is happening without your knowledge. Watch your breath happening. Notice how the air feels as it comes in through your nostrils, cool and fresh, and it hits the back of your throat and moves down through your diaphragm and fills your lungs. Notice which parts of your body rise or expand with this breath. Then, as you exhale, watch which parts of your body fall or shrink. Feel how the air is softer and warmer as it leaves your body, how it feels as it touches the outside of your nostrils or your lips on its way out. You are not trying to control your breath or change it in any way; just let it do its thing while you watch. Pretend you are a scientist studying breathing and you’ve never seen a breath before. Isn’t it miraculous and interesting?! Watch your breath for as long as you like; this observing can be your entire meditation if you like, you don’t even have to do anything beyond this. Your breath can be your sole focus for your entire meditation.
Number three: Check in with yourself
One of my favorite ways to center and ground myself (since I tend towards anxious energy) is to do a multi-part check in. I have created a guided audio recording of this practice and a while back I did a detailed blog post about it. You can check it out here. Basically, take some time to examine what’s going on with you. What are your thoughts doing at this moment? You can look inside of your mind and notice the topic, speed, and feel of your thoughts. Then, gently let them go or step away from them. This practice of first acknowledging and then removing yourself from your thoughts is a powerful strategy that you can carry with you outside of your meditation practice. You can move from the thoughts down into the heart next, to check in with your emotions. What emotional qualities are you harboring in your heart? Don’t try to fix anything that you find in there; all emotions should be welcomed as guests and all are a part of the beautiful human experience. Even sadness, fear, and anger are useful and teach us something; practice accepting whatever you find in your heart. Name your emotions and welcome them with the knowledge that they are impermanent.
Since I personally tend towards a very embodied experience, checking in with my body is an important part of my meditation, and I save that for last, because it really helps to bring me into the moment. I scan my body with non-judgmental compassion, just noticing and observing physical sensations, like the breath, feelings on my skin, pressure, air, temperature, and the feeling of gravity pulling me towards mother earth. You can spend as long as you like exploring your own body. Again, imagine that you have never seen or felt your body before and you are a scientist just observing sensations for the very first time. Feel how miraculous and wondrous this body is! Do this as long as it feels right or as long as you have time for.
Number Four: Enlightenment!
That’s it! You’re done meditating and you are now a fully enlightened being who has escaped all of the suffering of the human condition, right?! Okay, maybe not. Meditation is called a meditation practice for a reason. There are thousands of ways to meditate. There are visualizations, there’s refuge practice, homecoming practices (I’ve detailed these in previous blogs as well), breath work, elemental practices… the list goes on and on. The key is finding what works for you. How do you know it's working? Well, do you feel better after you meditate? Are you calmer, more centered, more grounded, feel more in touch with yourself? Over time, a regular meditation practice has many benefits that go beyond relaxation or cessation of anxiety or depression. Meditation helps you to be more thoughtful with your words and actions and can help you avoid impulsive behavior. You may find that you feel more in control of yourself, or that you're able to relax and go with the flow more often. Meditation can also bring you an increased feeling of belonging and balance. And to think, you can get all of this simply from sitting down and breathing! At worst, meditation can’t hurt you physically and the worst thing that might happen is you discover some emotions or thoughts that you have been trying to avoid (which isn’t really healthy anyhow, is it?). There is no wrong way to meditate, so go for it and give it a try!
May you be healthy and strong.
May you be safe and free.
May you be joyful and at peace.
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