This week is Teacher Appreciation Week, which I have mixed feelings about, to be honest. On the one hand, it is nice to be appreciated, and I am glad for all of my no-food-allergy colleagues, who get to enjoy donuts, candy, and whoopee pies in the staff room this week. On the other hand, sometimes I would rather that teacher Appreciation Week just not exist. There is honestly no cheap, punny trinket administration could give me that would make me feel as valued to them as if they actually treated me as if I had value.
Yesterday they made a lovely speech about how much they appreciate us, at the end of a long and contentious staff meeting that went over our contracted end time by several minutes. Today, only a few hours after leaving a signed thank you card in my mailbox, my coordinator started looking at Facebook on her phone while I and another teacher were discussing a student concern with her. On the same day that I got a Tupperware and some plastic silverware as a gift, I also got screamed at on the phone by my principal over a simple misunderstanding.
Empty words and thoughtless gifts (like food I can’t eat and plastic that I typically do not buy or use) mean nothing when not paired with genuine actions of kindness and caring. Or, at the bare minimum, some level of respect and professionalism. Needless to say, all of this has made me feel pretty crummy the past few days.
I found a patch of sun near the window in my classroom this morning. I sat with my eyes closed, feeling the warmth through the glass, and I listened to some calming music for a few minutes. I took some deep breaths. I wiped my tears and checked my makeup. Then, I went to a colleague’s office to tell them how amazing they were, offer to help them in any way that I could, and express my thanks to them for a kind and helpful email she had sent to me this morning. I stopped in another office on my way by to ask how another colleague was doing today, tell them that I had missed them, and offer to help them with any of our shared students. And then I sat down to send out a few kind and loving text messages to a friend, a co-worker, and my daughter. I just decided that I would create the kindness that I was hoping for today, since it was clear that it was not going to come from anyone else.
I also sent an email to the principal who had yelled at me. I apologized for making him upset. I empathized with how much pressure he was under, and expressed that I know he has a lot on his plate right now. I expressed my hopes that we could continue to have a positive relationship. I felt better after sending it. He might not read it, he might not respond, and he might not care or change his opinion of me. But I didn’t apologize, empathize, or offer grace necessarily because he needed it; I did it because I needed it.
Creating peace in yourself IS creating peace in the world. Sometimes offering to others what we need, ourselves, gives us what we were looking for all along. Karma.
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