Solar Plexus - ENERGY/POWER - When do you give up your power? What situations cause you to do this? Is there a person who you find yourself giving your power to over and over again? Why do you think you do this?
I am extremely protective of my energy. As a young person, I gave up my power over and over to people who did not deserve it and did not return the favor. I had friends who would take and take, I said yes to things I didn’t really want to do, I allowed other people to rule over my emotions, and I clung on too tightly to the illusion of control in many of my relationships. I would feel hurt when someone didn’t return my calls, I’d beg friends to spend time with me, and I’d loan money, do favors, and help people who would then be nowhere to be found when I needed them. It took me a long time to flip the script on this pattern in my life.
Now, older and wiser, I feel so much stronger. Oddly, this is not a result of me clinging on more tightly or being more in control; it’s actually just the opposite, letting go, that gave me my power back. Where I used to chase people, instead I let them go. When they didn’t come back seeking me, the relationship faded away. While I was sad to lose connections with people, over time I realized that there were not the types of friendships that I wanted anyhow. The same went for feeling obligated to say yes to things; I let go and stopped making myself available 24 hours a day. Now, when I am asked to attend an event that I am not interested in attending, instead of waffling back and forth, saying maybe, trying to be “nice” or making excuses, I just say “no thanks” or “I have other plans.” Sure, those plans may be to sit on my couch and watch TV, but those are my plans! And let’s be honest, nobody wants to listen to your maybe’s or your laundry list of why you can’t or don't want to do something; we are all leading busy lives so just say no and we can all move on!
There’s an interesting meditation I came across somewhere, and I use it quite often, especially when I am in unavoidable situations that make me unhappy. I visualize a thick tree bark growing all over me, completely covering my surface. Nothing can penetrate it, and I am protected behind it. There is no way someone could rob my power while I am encased in this bark. I may be doing something unpleasant, but I try not to allow it to control my inner self. I practiced this tactic often in staff meetings (which always gave me major anxiety) when I was a teacher. I’d sit in the back of the room and try to appear focused on the speaker while envisioning myself like a tree, with all of my sap contained within, unaffected by whatever is happening outside of my bark. Over time I found that these types of mind practices helped me to separate my emotions from situations where I was at risk of draining my emotional energy.
This truth is a hard one: one place where I seem to struggle with giving away my power is when it comes to holiday family get-togethers. I love my family, and I enjoy their company, but the holidays are hard for me and I often feel trapped or controlled when I am attending a social family event, which gives me a lot of anxiety and guilt. I still seem unable to say no to these events, because I know how much they mean to some of my family members. Whenever I give in and say yes to a situation that brings me discomfort, I am usually acting out of guilt. I pose for family photos even when doing so makes me feel terribly anxious and unsettled, because everyone else seems to do it without a problem and my refusal to participate would upset people who I care about. I am embarrassed by these feelings. Why can’t I just smile for the camera like everyone else??
I give away my power to please my family because I love them and I want to make them happy. I’m not sure how this will ever change. For some reason I find it easy to maintain my boundaries and hold my power in all the other areas of my life. When it comes to family obligations I seem to be stuck between what feels best for me and what I feel pressured to do for them. It is a place where I need to do some reflection and healing, for sure. In the meantime, I’ll need to work to find balance somewhere on the middle path, giving of myself when I have power to give, and protecting myself when I am depleted.
"I am a master of setting boundaries that protect my time, energy, creativity and emotional well-being. "
--Cheryl Richardson
댓글