What is taking refuge? When we think about the term “refuge” we can take it literally as a place of safety or shelter. When you are hiking and a sudden storm hits, you might take refuge under a large tree, in a cave, or in a man-made shelter of some kind. Now imagine that this rain storm is a metaphor for the sufferings, discomfort, pain, and unpleasant events we deal with in our daily lives. Our refuge from mental anguish is similar to the hut which provides us with shelter as we weather the storm. Many people take refuge in others; they seek support from loved ones or professional helpers. Others may seek mental refuge in alcohol or drugs, or other unhealthy behaviors, which, in the long run, only exacerbate problems. But there is another way. You can build yourself a mental shelter out of many materials which can help you to stay calm, feel grounded and supported, create space for big emotions, and weather the storms of life. There are seven main materials out of which you can build your shelter, and I have heard these called “The Seven Homecomings” by Lama Rod Owens, who is a well known Buddhist activist. The Seven Homecomings are seven ways to access refuge in times of need.
In Buddhism, we are taught to take refuge in the three jewels, the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. Here, we will look at the three jewels from a secular point of view and call them guide, wisdom text, and community.
The Guide
Your guide can take many forms, but primarily guides are those who we wish to emulate, who we revere, who teach us and show us the way. For those who practice traditional religions, this may be a god or deity that you pray to, a prophet, like Jesus, or a teacher like Buddha. But when taking refuge in a guide, you don’t have to reach to the heavens or into ancient times; guides can come in the form of priests, lamas, teachers, fictional characters from literature, artists or musicians, political or historical figures, or even a loved one. Your yoga teacher can be a guide, as can a school teacher. This is any person who you learn from, look up to, or wish to be more like; someone who helps to show you the way. When taking refuge in any guide, you call on them in your mind to garner strength, inner peace, or emotional support.
Wisdom Text
In Buddhist tradition, the wisdom text is the Dharma, or Buddha’s teachings; in Christianity the Bible, and in Islam the Koran. Wisdom texts are written sources of information where you take solace and find answers. These do not have to be religious texts; perhaps you find peace in a book of poetry, inner strength in the lyrics to a powerful song, or inspiration in a blog post written by your favorite yoga teacher… I even like to consider my own journal as a wisdom text where I can take refuge. I have always been a collector of words, so writing down quotes that I find prescient, ideas that come to me in dreams, or moments of clarity that I receive in meditation is my way of creating my own wisdom text. I am a book-defacer and I enjoy underlining passages that speak to me as I read. Find the words that connect you to your higher self and take refuge in them in times of struggle.
Community
Sangha, the word for community in Sanskrit, represents the people with whom you can seek refuge. In the Buddhist community, your Sangha will do errands for you when you are sick, help you find transportation to a retreat, and chant over your deathbed. Bringing to mind the people in your life who love you and help you in times of need is a powerful way to feel stronger and more held. This doesn’t necessarily mean those who are related to you by blood, as we know that sometimes our families are not our true chosen community; rather, think of the people in your life who love you as you are and are like-minded. I include my retreat sisters in my community, even though I do not know their names, because they have held space for me, meditated with me, and shared a common goal of enlightenment with me. You can even include human beings around the world who you feel akin to; when I sit down to meditate or begin my yoga practice, I like to bring to mind all of those other practitioners who are doing the exact same thing at the exact same time as me, and I take refuge in the idea that I am in good company in my earthly suffering and in my pursuit of a peaceful planet. Whoever your community is and however far it stretches, know that you are not alone and take solace in that knowledge.
Ancestors
When we practice our refuge tree meditation, I remind students that among the branches of the tree we can find loved ones from both the present and the past. I know that whenever I’ve practiced this visualization, ancestors past appear to me as framed photos hanging among the branches. I keep a framed photo of my grandmother on my dresser and look at it every day, feeling as if she is watching me. I ask myself, would Nana like what I’m wearing, doing, saying? Taking refuge in your lineage doesn’t mean thinking of only those who you know by name or knew in your lifetime, but can also be your ancestors going back hundreds of years or more. I think about my matriarchal line going back through history, strong women who lived, struggled, and persevered. Their strength lives in my DNA; I hold within my cells the combined experiences and evolutions as they. I can take solace in imagining my place in the family tree and their wisdom and energy flowing down to me from the past.
Earth
When all else fails, you always have the Earth. Earth is one of the easiest shelters to access. We have talked many times in the past about grounding, forest bathing, connecting to nature; in times of emotional turmoil there is almost no better strategy than turning to the Earth, with its strong, everlasting, peaceful presence. Even when you are in a situation where you may not be able to directly access the ground or the outdoors, closing your eyes and visualizing nature can achieve the same cortisol-lowering effects. Acknowledge that you are not separate from the planet, but intrinsically linked to it, a direct extension of the planet you live on. The Earth holds you, is under and inside you, and sustains you no matter who you are; take refuge in her.
Silence
Silence can be a touchy thing. Some of us thrive in silence and seek it out while others find it unpleasurable and try to avoid it. But no matter what your past experience with silence may be, it can be a powerful container for holding space and transforming emotions. Silence gives you room to think and feel without reacting, allows you time to settle your energy, and creates a protective boundary around your emotional self. On retreat, we spend days at a time in silence. It’s uncomfortable at first, sitting around a table with six strangers eating your soup without making small talk. But after a few days you begin to rest in that silence, to feel it embrace you, and in silence you become deeply attuned to others and to yourself. After not speaking to each other for six days, you weep and cling to each other when it’s time to say goodbye. I never even learned your name but you are now a part of my soul. Silence brings you home to yourself.
Self
Coming home to the self and finding a refuge there is probably one of the most difficult but also one of the most important homecomings. Many of us do not trust ourselves, we are suspicious of our own thoughts and feel unsafe in our own bodies; we try to disassociate from ourselves to avoid the discomfort of self knowledge. But once you begin to feel compassion and love for yourself, you can create a space of refuge inside. This takes practice; mental practices like meditation, positive affirmations, and guided visualization and physical practices like yoga, breathwork, and self care. You will not have any other body or any other mind in this lifetime, only these. Why waste your time feeling dubious or disgusted by them when instead you can love them, trust them, and take refuge in them? Find time each day to express gratitude for yourself. “I am grateful for my strong mind and my healthy body. I am beautiful inside and out. I think clearly, I make good choices, I know what is best for me.” Start to believe this. Know it deep down inside. There is a stillness and a wisdom residing in there. Find it and take refuge in it.
Think of these seven homecomings as tools in your toolbox and take them out as needed. Sometimes you only need one tool to build a quick shelter from an unexpected storm. Other times, you may be sailing a rough sea for some time and need to use all of them at once. Even in times of relative ease, you will need to keep your tools in good working order; meditate on each of these homecomings, take them out of the toolbox, wipe them down, admire their shine and weight, make sure they are all in good shape. Write them in your journal and attach a positive affirmation to each one, which you can repeat to yourself until you have them memorized. Find yourself stronger, safer, supported, and sheltered.
Comments